Field Notes 20260321 - Saturday
Three Passes Through
Afternoon
- Sun: Aries 1°
- Moon: Taurus 10° | Waxing Crescent
Meditation
- 45 Minutes.
- Expand App, timer section, F15.
Today’s session picked up and expanded on where yesterday’s ended, though I’m still very much in the discovery phase of it all. I say this somewhat conservatively because I feel like the progress is now well outside of discovery and is in the process of moving into an experience, and I can’t help but feel that knowing is just around the corner.
In the previous session we ended with a Liminal display of a wormhole/tunnel/portal travel. While nothing new for the kind of experiences that I typically have, things are different this time. I’m now able to move around and zoom in on the Liminal in my field of view as it happens. The repeated and obviously connected experiences have been building toward something, or rather tweaking the approach and message as time unfolds.
The Liminal display from yesterday also presented bright blue sky at the end of it, like a window into the destination. With the help of divination tools and some reasoning I kept that image of a perfect blue sky centered in my consciousness as I laid down for today’s afternoon meditation. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m seeking aside from that image so I chose F15 (state of no time), which seemed like a good starting point. I also decided on the Expand app this time as the binaural beats selection lets you focus on a particular state frequency. I haven’t spent as much time in F15 as other states so this seemed like a common sense decision to reacclimate to its particular signature.
All in all the entire meditation went as one would expect. I was very ready to get going and had no problem moving from prep and into F10 (mind awake/body asleep), from that point I let myself slowly meander to F15. Holding the image as the intent of the session I rested in F15 as thoughts and visuals came and went. Nothing in particular grabbed my attention to break my passive state and at the end I felt that familiar left foot jerk. Half smirking internally I thought, “Oh, there it is.” Second session observing this emerging pattern. With that “signal” (working theory) I closed the session and made my exit with gratitude.
Liminal-ish
With determination, aggressive and controlled tone, and always in present tense I made my intent for an altered state experience before the meditation ended. With that I set my gear aside, kept my eye mask on, turned to my left, and spent a little bit of time losing consciousness. I kept in mind that maybe I shouldn’t push it today and get aggressive with the onset of the threshold stage, which has been a reliable and somewhat difficult skill to develop.
I let myself slip away and became lucid in a dream state that was staged in my office. The office was of the old configuration. I was standing at my desk and showing Kim, who had just walked in, a recent track I found. The sound wasn’t working properly, all treble with no mids nor lows. I look up at my monitors and they’re black, little power buttons softly blinking. I proclaim, “Aha!” With that, I snapped out of the situation and immediately fell through the floor. These exits out of the transitional dream states are getting a lot faster lately.
My vision went as dark as the black void and I felt myself traveling down the same familiar tunnel. Fairly straight transit today with a definite and abrupt turn to the left about midway through, not sure why I remember that.
As I felt myself gently “land” in my physical body and begin to feel my physical presence come online a peculiar Liminal appeared. It began as an abstract-looking deep-purple “star” in the top-left section of my field of view. I call this a “star” because of the irregular and angular shape it possessed while it methodically pulsed and rearranged itself in the distance, much like if you stare at a bright star in the night sky for a little too long.
As it hung there for a bit with nothing around it I made the same maneuver I’ve discovered I could do now: with “feeling” intent I began to zoom in on it. To my surprise as soon as I engaged it, the deep-purple star began to rapidly grow and move to the center of my field of view. I was no longer manipulating it, it was as if just “touching it” with my consciousness activated something.
Now the deep-purple star was at the center of my field of view, growing and rapidly accelerating toward me. As it got closer and closer it broke its angular shape, revealing a growing black void at the center. The shape now resembled a soft and swirling vapor circle. As it enveloped my vision I zoomed right through the center of it. Another soft and swirling vapor circle appeared behind it and I zoomed right through that as well. This happened a total of three times. The color of this new structure shifted from soft-amber to soft-white. With each pass I could feel an ever so slight “whooshing” sensation, as if something was literally surrounding me as I (or it) passed through the center.
With the third and final pass I was left hanging in the black void, the experience was now over.
Moving Forward
While the particular advice and analysis before this session was accurate in the fact that today I needed to “chill out” and be still in my overall approach, letting things unfold on their own, etc. I felt that I could have acted with decisiveness and controlled aggression in a couple areas. I don’t like the word “hate” but in this particular situation I hate second-guessing myself once a decision and plan is made… so I stuck with it.
I’m on the fence if the results were as expected and the approach was appropriate overall. I do know that it is in my nature to “do something” in most situations that call for not doing anything at all, that fact isn’t lost on me. So, with that, I’m deciding that the next session exploring this subject will be driven by instinct.
Learning to “let go and flow” as the bedrock of my practice took a long time and was mentally painful at moments but it has opened my perception to much more than I’ve experienced in the past. That is true and I recognize that wholeheartedly, no plans to change this at all. Having said that, I’ve also learned to trust myself and if there’s a signal coming somewhere from within to act… I will act.
I’m reminded of my last point from the Jungian dream I had in January:
https://perceptindex.substack.com/p/bear-with-me
Faith that I trust myself to know when to take the leap without the slightest hesitation, with full conviction, and power.
The question that I’ve landed on for the next exploratory session based on this week’s events and all the similar ones that came before them: “What is the thing that is currently neither free nor clear.”