Field Notes
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The last couple of days have felt like a fog has begun to lift and clear blue sky starting to poke through the thick vapor. I retreated so far inward in the recent weeks that this emergence is feeling both like an old friend coming back and like I'm about to learn something new. Just a hunch, we'll see what's ahead soon enough.
Weekly energy refresh. Honestly, I'd do this more often if time allowed. Today's Field Notes entry is short and sweet — what are you going to do with all the extra time!?
Another short session as time got away from me yet again. I'm revisiting F15 (place without time) as I realized that while I don't usually spend time in this focus state, it's probably the best one for a "simply be" kind of meditation.
While going to sleep last night a thought on retrocausality struck me. Went over it again during my run this morning and now writing a short essay on it. Stay tuned. Who knows, maybe I began writing it several times and only now signaling to my present-self that this is the one.
Art
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Essays
View AllNo One Is Coming
The most dangerous prophecy doesn't fail to come true—it's specifically designed to keep you waiting forever. When you convince people that salvation comes from outside, that they need to wait for someone else to fix things, to save them, to reveal truth, you've built the perfect control system. One that runs on hope turned into passivity.
The Wall Had a Door
For months I kept slamming into the same wall. Lucid in a dream, attempting to "meditate my way into projection," and either collapsing back to waking or losing lucidity entirely. I've known about staging lucid dreams for further altered state exploration and have had most of my success in projecting through this exact modality. The success rate has always been about 20% and for a long stretch last year I felt like every time I transitioned from a lucid dream into projection it broke down or failed to launch almost immediately. I understood it intellectually. But I couldn't execute it. January 24th showed me why.
Who Do You Want To Be Next Month?
Early on in working through The Gateway Experience tapes, a particular session became an instant staple in my practice, just like for many others. There are other tracks throughout the entire program which I've identified as "practical" and continue to return to, but this one takes the prize for most used. I'm talking about "The Gateway Experience -- Wave II - Threshold -- One-Month Patterning".
Bear With Me
On January 11, 2026, I laid down for a guided self-hypnosis session, one of Dick Sutphen's Astral Projection Workshop tracks. It's an old one that I've been returning to when I don't really feel like I have a particular direction to focus on and am limited on time. I've mentioned the following many times before: I absolutely love the depths that Sutphen's method takes me to. By the time you're taken further into the deep end, you begin to really understand what riding the razor's edge between losing consciousness and being aware is. The best part is how heavy and non-existent the physical body becomes, which is absolutely crucial.
The Broadcast Theory
During one of my familiar, and at this point staple, stops in Focus 12 I inadvertently set off a cascade of events that helped bring into focus what I've been suspecting for quite a while. The first section is purely personal and subjective but it is important to observe before laying out the hypothesis. I will paraphrase before expanding on everything: What appeared initially as personal communications from guides have transmuted into a much more digestible and broadly defined communication modality.
Homecoming
On December 31st, 2025, I consumed 4.5 grams of Golden Teacher psilocybin. My ADHD brain processes the compound differently than most - instead of flooding the visual cortex it routes straight to cognition, amplifying the already multi-threaded thought processes running in parallel. Zero visuals during the peak, just 10+ tracks of thought simultaneously unfolding. I ended up meditating through it, watching the elephant symbolism arrive: historical images, intimate close-ups, and one particular elephant face smiling, laughing. The laughter felt welcoming but also knowing - it recognized the performance aspect, the ego wanting to see, wanting to learn, the impossibility of self-exploration without ego entanglement. The elephant knew. Perhaps I was laughing at myself.
2025
Self-portraits are a specific kind of category of creative work that I simultaneously absolutely enjoy viewing and dread doing it myself. Percept Index presents a unique opportunity for me as my long-term project: a way, a reason, a need to produce at the very least a single self-portrait and at semi-regular intervals, such as once a year. So, in the most 'I'm an artist, witness me!' way possible here is my self-centered and completely ego-driven contribution to the year of 2025.
Mental Sink
The beginning of my journey with deep meditation and altered states exploration was primarily focused on shadow work, and rightfully so. Eventually once you make some headway and see not just beginner progress but real and impactful changes, there's a natural tendency to coast, or sometimes completely forget how you got there to begin with. Fear not, this is a self-correcting problem. When it's been a while since you've done "housekeeping" or what I like to call "psychological hygiene", you'll know because you will let yourself know.
Spherical Energy Outline
Field Notes entries focus on brevity and getting to the point of the particular session or experience that was had. They also include other events that happen which seem to be out of the norm, they're worth recording in case we can spot a connection or simply to document. What I seldom ever do is discuss my own base process and how I go about getting my meditations started. In today's longform journal entry, I will be outlining what I do as my meditation starts and the phenomena that I've been tracking for the last 6 months, which I'm finally deciding to write about.
Agile Awareness
With Focus 21, "the bridge to other energy systems" (or "when you go hella deep yo") opening up more for me recently my own focus has been on getting more comfortable with it. The first sense that is always "on" for me when I approach new focus states is feeling and emotion. Then, slowly, over time and with patience the other senses open up as well. Another skill or function has been developing alongside all of this, in fact it has been evolving from the very beginning, my awareness.
Clearing the Field - Part II
At the time I didn't realize that on this day, November 14th, I would be having a "Part II" of my "Clearing House" session (modified release-recharge) from a couple days back on November 11th. Here is Part I if you are interested or would like to refresh where I left off. The following are accounts and analysis of a meditation session and a projection which followed soon after.