The wheels are starting to wobble.
Field Notes 20260529 - Friday
All week I’ve been thinking about this morning’s nice and long 12-mile run, maybe 13 or 14 miles. The goal was to get up slightly earlier than I have been and hit the road before 5 AM. Instead, I woke up right after 5 AM, overslept and missed my starting window. Upon seeing the time, my body and psyche collapsed back down on the bed, and I slept for another hour.
I missed this Wednesday’s run as well. A couple weeks back I skipped strength training here and there in the mornings too. The sessions I have completed have been lower power and effort than my average. All of this is highly out of character for me. I wake up between 4 and 4:30 AM and just get going: no thought, only physical movement.
My body has been blaring the overuse/overwork alarm, and I’ve been powering through it, resulting in incomplete weeks of physical training.
March of this year kicked off with serious sickness and a lot of missed time battling it. This ate into my typically planned weeks of de-loading. Usually I can count on my runs to let me know that the wheels are starting to wobble, so I plan and take a week off, replacing all physical activity with meditation and light movement like yoga and a bit of rowing. This has been the best practice in keeping the engine turning and progressing with forward momentum.
March ended up being the stick in the spokes and threw me out of alignment. It just took a little while to catch up. When you’re dealing with and recovering from illness, you’re not resting, you’re fighting an infection and repairing. That’s nowhere near “de-load” and “recalibrate” to “reload” for another bout of training.
While I have spoken and continue to speak about enforcing your will over your physical body, the ego, I do realize that at times the scales tip and the ego will act to preserve its physical existence. In my case it began to pick off a strength training session here and there, then ended with flat out cutting runs from my schedule.
While I did listen to it and complied, and rightfully so or else I would have hurt myself, causing an even longer pause in activity, I don’t consider any of this as adequate recovery. For that reason I am taking next week completely off from all physical sessions and implementing my usual and much-needed “de-load, recalibrate, rebuild, reload, reset” week.
The exact schedule for my morning meditations isn’t set in stone yet. I’m still figuring that out. I am being pulled to revisit some tracks I’ve marked as important from The Gateway Program as well as mixing in sessions from my newly constructed Presence Companion (see yesterday’s entry). Either way it’s time to slow down, eat a little less, focus energy work on repairing the body, clear out energies that don’t belong, and just let go and flow.
Afternoon
- Sun: Gemini 8°
- Moon: Scorpio 22° | Waxing Gibbous
Meditation
- 35 Minutes.
- Expand App, timer section, F18 (Heart Energy).
I have a new thread to pull for this week’s longer sessions. However, today was about just being present in F10 (mind awake, body asleep) and seeing how far it will let me flow downstream to F18 (heart energy). If you read what I wrote above, then you’re probably guessing that I didn’t get very far, and you’d be correct.
I got to F12 (expanded awareness), but even that was weak. I began to space out and, in a couple places, click out pretty reliably. I’ve reached my energy limit.
While I did make an intent for an immersive altered state as I made my exit out of the session, deep down I knew it was a fool’s errand. I didn’t try to threshold hunt and just let myself fall asleep for a bit. It was very nice.
