Show me what’s in the cups.
Field Notes 20260530 - Saturday
Monday morning is the start of “De-Load & Re-Load” week. I hesitated a bit yesterday declaring it and making the decision to proceed, but after today’s session I’m over it. It’s happening. The primary focus of these morning meditation and trance sessions will be on The Gateway Program staple tracks. I need to, at the base level, refresh my own register of each focus state and then get “persistently persistent”.
Secondary to that, I need to turn my focus on non-verbal communication (NVC) practice. I used to do this fairly regularly and fell out of the habit recently. Lastly, Dick Sutphen has a quick and very effective “Better Receiver” self-hypnosis session that I intend to do again.
I think, at the very least, it’s far more responsible and methodical to move through the foundational layers that I once was exposed to and learned from before moving on to other methods and training in order to pinpoint what is potentially missing. I’ll do some “soul searching” between now and tomorrow’s long session before I jot down my intended schedule for the week.
Time to roll up my sleeves and do the stuff I’ve been avoiding, and then do what I have done many times before in many different situations: get annoying.
An anecdote on me being annoying when it calls for it: When I was transferring to CSU Fresno, I was told that I couldn’t complete my registration due to issues with my paperwork; I showed up every other day to the administration building, inquiring about the status of my pending registration; by week #3 I was allowed to register for courses while everyone waited for my paperwork to get fixed… just to stop me from coming to the administration building again.
I ended my CSU Fresno stay by graduating with a BFA, department honors, and Magna Cum Laude. Needless to say, I belonged, but to get in I had to do what most feel uncomfortable committing to: annoying persistence masquerading as perseverance.
Afternoon
Meditation
- 35 Minutes.
- Tom Campbell’s binaural beats, 256-128-64 P.
The mission today was simple: keep it simple. I remembered that I’ve been meaning to try Tom Campbell’s binaural beats overlaid with pink noise, so I went with that for this afternoon’s session. In the past I’ve used pink noise during sessions involving isolation, such as a float tank. I know it works well and it hardly lulls me to sleep, but it does help adjust to ground-level of the sessions very quickly, mind awake/body asleep.
That was my exact experience. I actually really enjoyed this specific track. I’m very familiar with the carrier frequencies, so that part wasn’t anything new to try. Honestly, the pink noise isn’t exactly new to try with binaural beats as well. I often have the sound machine on in the office for sessions, which helps block activities outside (in the house and around it). I believe the sound machine produces white/pink noise, leaning on the pink side more than white.
In any case, the session was overall a success. I eventually drifted and expanded into F12 (expanded awareness), where I cast my new thread, “Show me what’s in the cups.” Today I noticed a bit more activity in these focus states. When I would lose focus, my awareness would be occupied with various hypnagogic scenes and loose visions. Nothing super profound occurred, but I fondly remember using my focus in the past on these specific situations. Not all hypnagogic imagery and situations are noise… in fact a lot do contain valuable information. Retaining that information is another story.
Afterwards I set my strong intention for an immersive altered state and rolled over for some threshold hunting. I encountered a problem almost right away. As if right on cue, I began to experience low-grade stomach cramps that made it very difficult to fall asleep, much less to hunt for any opening into a subtle space between waking and unconscious.
Eventually I fell asleep and woke up in a slightly sad and frustrated mood. The state of my mind had more to do with the quality of my nap, having dealt with the cramps, but it also highlights my awkward and frustrating state about accessing things I used to have absolutely zero issues with.
I approached this situation cautiously and carefully up until this point — time to regroup and pursue with moxie.
