Field Notes 20260403 - Friday
The Mind Wins This Round
Morning
- Sun: Aries 14°
- Moon: Libra 29° | Waning Gibbous
Meditation
- 60 Minutes.
- The Gateway Experience, Journeys Out Of The Body - Condition D.
This isn’t the last time I will be performing this exercise, but in the context of this week I believe I have gained good information from the total of 4 sessions. Today’s effects of vibrations arising from a mental movement of a focused point did not disappoint, but were also on the weaker side. I have yet to recreate the same intensity as I had with the first session, but at the very least vibrations were produced in every single session.
The second observation worth noting and remembering is that in each session the vibrations were the strongest and most reliable on the first attempt. Subsequent attempts were less reliable and lacked initial intensity. The only outlier was the very first session, in which the intensity and reliability was automatic on several passes of the exercise.
What this means to me: this “focused point movement” is akin to a door or a gateway that is most successfully opened on the first attempt during a session. There’s still much to be discovered and trained on with this process, for me, but some things are becoming increasingly more clear and forward progress remains unimpeded.
Afternoon
- Sun: Aries 14°
- Moon: Scorpio 4° | Waning Gibbous
Meditation
- 40 Minutes.
- Tom Campbell’s binaural beats, 128-64-32.
A bit of an interesting session with a couple “close but no go” moments. When I laid down I was having some pain when taking deep breaths; eventually that resolved into lingering pain on normal inhales. Prior to all of this I had a coughing fit. Needless to say, the way things led up to the actual meditation didn’t help with… the actual meditation.
After settling into F10 (mind awake/body asleep) both of my feet jerked so hard you’d think I was about to start tap dancing. Eventually I weakly expanded into F12 (expanded awareness); any attempts to continue expansion just didn’t work.
I meandered toward F18 and I think I made it. There I cast the following question: “What is obstructing my perception from what is?” No answer, no NVC, but that’s not unusual.
The rest of the session I decided to practice the “focused point movement” from F18, and the results were interesting. By this time I felt very deep in the trance, but focusing actually wasn’t an issue. What was an issue was continuous intrusions of analytical thinking:
How am I supposed to know where the point is if I can’t see it? 3 feet, 6 feet, 9 feet, there’s no way to tell. It’s just all imaginary things but I can’t even imagine properly, just black. Phosphenes are annoying and messing me up. Maybe the phosphene dot right here is the point, nope it’s gone. So now I’m moving the point behind my head, do I pretend I’m looking at it the whole time? Maybe I’m supposed to escape from the crown of my head, maybe that’s where the door is.
And on and on and on. I couldn’t take it anymore and just ended the whole meditation. On my way out I made a strong intention for an altered state, but yet again it felt awkward and not my usual intent-setting tone.
I had a hard time getting into the mode of approaching the state threshold; every time I got close something would throw me off — an itch or needing to reposition. Eventually I was dreaming, I missed the whole transition. At some point I became lucid: I was in a kitchen that felt familiar but wasn’t my own, grabbing my coffee cup off an empty kitchen table, then I began transitioning out of this state. No tunnel travel, just fade out and fade in to physical state. Again, not at all the norm.
Just a weird session all around.