Field Notes 20260418 - Saturday
An Interesting Wrinkle
Afternoon
- Sun: Aries 28°
- Moon: Taurus 14° | Waxing Crescent
Meditation
- 50 Minutes.
- Expand app, timer section, F21.
Yesterday’s session yielded some interesting artifacts but remained mostly unclear on the overall purpose. The query, “Who is being called?” was cast in F15 (beyond time) and F18 (heart energy). Today the decision was to continue yesterday’s inquiry in F21 (bridge to other realities).
The most beneficial aspect of yesterday’s session was a thesis for my next essay, which I’m now writing. Analysis and intuition born out of rigorous interrogation of the overall meditation shed light on an aspect of “Agile Awareness” that I haven’t explored beyond lightly brushing up against it. I know I’m being vague but the essay will come within a week or two as I get my thoughts in order.
Back to today’s session: overall interesting, while I continue to struggle with generating immersive altered states which used to be near or completely automatic for months prior to somewhere around middle of March.
An Aside: Ironically I had decent to solid altered states manifest during the last Mercury Retrograde period. Based on some information about myself that I haven’t yet shared, the hypothesis was that Mercury Rx would actually function just like it did with unimpeded altered states when I’d call on them, which is basically the inverse of what most would expect.
There have been some new developments that I’ve been tracking since last December that continue to show up, almost predictably. The predictable nature adds an interesting wrinkle to my practice. Prior to laying down this afternoon I felt a slight surge of energy, and the intuition at that moment was pointing to the session being free of click-outs and spacing out. This proved to be an accurate read on pre-session emotional and nervous system states.
As I laid down and marched through the prep process — opening that green Medieval door to The Blackwater Tower and the overall process that accompanies it — I remained alert and absolutely on point with every check-in. F10 (mind awake, body asleep) was strong but required some babysitting today as foot jerks were rather aggressive. Expanding into F12 (expanded awareness) was strong and with good volume.
While meandering to F21 (bridge to other realities) I felt myself naturally sink deeper and deeper into my ideal state. Once I began approaching my target, a fuzzy white dot appeared at the center of my field of view. I’ve seen it before on my approach to F21, and my assumption is that this is how I read “the bright white light of F21” as described in The Gateway Experience.
This time the white dot would modulate between fuzzy and crisp, small and large, fade out and fade in. This is following a similar visual marker process that has been developing since last December.
- REBAL (energetic containment, torus structure): white outline rushes over my field of view from bottom to top.
- In F10: “Second eyelids” close.
- In F12: white outline(s) expand in all directions and out of my field of view.
- In F15: an extremely uniform and dark black bar appears at center of field of view, expands sideways, and then consumes the entire field.
- In F18: less visual and more of a feel of the “seat of consciousness” dropping from third eye to a more central position.
- In F21: white dot on approach.
All of the visual indicators have been developing and getting stronger in presentation, unless my overall energy is in the trashcan, since the end of last year. All of the states have a feel to them; that was evident from the very beginning, but visually I had very little to grab on to until recently.
My query wasn’t answered in this session and I was unable to start up a more interactive altered state again. I’m continuing to optimistically monitor this situation. It’s taking a lot of effort not to jump into new rabbit holes and chase some new process; after all, what’s not working for me right now has worked reliably for a long time. More importantly it’s the stuff of my “do what’s natural to you” creed, but I’m having slight hesitation now as to whether maybe this is what I’m holding on to too tightly at the moment.
As I’ve said time and time again: consciousness exploration is slippery as all heck.
Tiny Illustration (Emblem)
I’m dedicating today’s emblem to a Liminal display that I observed today during one of my failed immersive altered state generations. I’m not quite positive in which direction this Liminal display showed up, whether I was moving into sleep or out of it, but it’s beginning to feel like my “threshold hunting” skill is resurfacing again.
The Liminal experience began in the classic spot of bottom-right of my field of view and then moved to a more central location while also scaling up. I’m pretty sure I’m not even consciously scaling these up anymore; as soon as I see it forming I lock in and the rest kind of takes care of itself. Today was what I’d classify as “nonlocal/nonphysical user interface artifacts”. I don’t have specific reasons for calling it that, simply what I’m intuiting from the data.
The display was of geometric shapes, mostly the cube. Classic characteristics of prior Liminal activity: constantly in motion, changing and morphing from one shape into another, never holding still enough to produce a specific composition. The “UI” aspect also holds the feeling that some kind of information and data is present in the form of geometric shapes (geometry in general), but deciphering it would require knowledge that I do not have.
Between the changing shapes and parts that came together to form these shapes, the cube stood out more than the rest. It appeared at least 3 times, one of which was a small and completely solid neon-green cube. The usual display of this geometric data is in neon-green lines, which then make the shapes and constantly transform; it is very rare (for me) to see a solid object like that.
The overall experience lasted a good amount of time before shrinking and fading out of our shared existence.