Field Notes 20260427 - Monday
Melancholy and a well-lived life
Afternoon
- Sun: Taurus 8°
- Moon: Virgo 10° | Waxing Gibbous
Meditation
- 25 Minutes.
- Expand App, timer section, F12.
This past weekend my family and I were sitting down at our local In-N-Out as we usually do on Saturdays. It was very busy, but we were lucky enough to grab a few seats at a bar section next to an older gentleman as we waited for our “to-go” order to be called. The older man moved one seat over to let me have a chance to sit down as well. I thanked him, and we struck up a conversation as we all waited there.
He and I had a very friendly chat that I quickly realized he was in search of. He shared a recent freak accident that he and his wife were involved in. Long story short, they were riding their e-bikes when a dog unexpectedly darted out in front of them from another residence. The wife took a big spill over the handlebars and ended up breaking a couple of vertebrae in her neck, as well as some ribs.
He told me about the dog owner and how devastated she is about what happened; she asked him to keep her updated on his wife’s condition. He told them they aren’t going to sue, how ridiculous that was, and how everyone is just out for themselves these days. He’s not wrong.
The gentleman’s wife was still at the hospital, and he was taking a break to grab something to eat. To make matters worse, their car was stolen since the whole ordeal began. We spoke of many other things such as our kids, dogs, and so on. A lovely conversation with a deep undertone of sadness, fear, worry, and quiet optimism for things to come.
When he wasn’t talking he carried a dense cloud of melancholy, but also a natural peace from a well-lived life. When he spoke he had a spark in his eye and readily made eye contact. He needed this.
I’m not a stranger to these kinds of conversations, neither is Kim. For Kim this is all too familiar with her vocation. For me? People tend to tell me a bit more than I think they should, and I still haven’t quite figured out why that is.
We never exchanged our names. That might seem odd, but once again this isn’t that weird to me.
This morning I got up thinking of this man and his family during my morning run. On my way to the office I decided that I would dedicate my meditation to him and his wife in an attempt to send something, help, healing, whatever I could, anything. And so I did.
I understand that this isn’t really unlike prayer, that thinking about someone who is suffering appears cheap and self-serving to a lot of people. Not to me. Not during a time when our consensus reality is fraught with division, confusion, and inhumanity.
A moment or few of focused consciousness to draw attention to where attention is needed never hurt anyone, I think.
With a deep belly breath I settled into F10 (mind awake, body asleep), then expanded into F12 (expanded awareness). The moment I turned my awareness towards this individual I began to view soft purple waves emanating outwardly from my field of view. At this point I’m not doing anything; I don’t know how to do any of this if I consciously attempted to. The visual was happening all on its own.
If I can be an instrument to even mildly help in any way, to let collective consciousness flow directly through me, I will choose to do that every time that I can. This afternoon my thoughts and energy were directed at him and his family, and maybe for that brief moment some relief was felt and hope arrived.
I will never know, and that is fine.
