Carry the drive without spending it.
Field Notes 20260710 - Friday
One of the best outcomes is when the week picks a theme and runs with it, or perhaps I’m no longer standing in the way of these things. This is something I’m finding happens with increasing reliability over the last couple months. And I’m reminded that this is yet another lesson in letting go and flowing with the Pleroma, the eternal now, the river of time.
Today’s Field Notes illustration:
An original composition - the Liminal that met me at the threshold. It spun up out of a pool of soft light, bright green this time, a sort of mixture between a toucan, a parrot, and a fat cartoony dragon. Its wings stayed tucked close to its side; one lifted just enough for a quick sideways wave before the whole figure shrank away with a snap. The encounter speaks to visitation without agenda — presence offered, nothing asked, nothing explained. Its lesson lives in the wave: an acknowledgment complete in a single gesture, greeting and goodbye occupying the same breath. Briefly shared, fully met.
Afternoon
Meditation
- 50 minutes.
- Tom Campbell’s binaural beats, 128-64.
I ran 7 miles this morning, I’m not exhausted, and while I know I need a nap, I also feel another kind of energy, recharged and ready to go. Today would have been a very good day for meditation/trance -> projection practice, but I went with my “gut” and the inclination that I needed more time with basic stillness work.
I still had a mission for today, and it went hand in hand with the meditation subject. So, to not drag this out any more than it needs to be, I ran through the same prep as normal and settled in F10 (mind awake/body asleep). This time I really let F10 bake for a bit longer than usual; I didn’t plan on this, but it happened anyway.
As I snapped out of it, I began expanding into F12 (expanded awareness); this too took a bit longer than usual. Am I pacing myself? Someone helping me pace myself? In any case, once I noticed strobes of white light emanating from the top of my field of view, I knew I was clear to go deeper.
And deeper I went, much, much deeper. This session I did something nearly involuntary: instead of “counting up” to find the focus states I was targeting, I switched it around and associated this “tuning” with further sinking and deepening of my overall state. When I finally broke through and dropped into F18 (heart energy), I parked my consciousness with the following query cast: “Show me how to carry the drive without spending it.”
For the remainder of the session, I was in a familiar trance, the kind I haven’t had in a while. Hypnagogia was strong with this one. Very strong. Something else was going on at the same time. My usual analytical grip was nowhere to be felt, so I wasn’t even resisting the urge to engage with imagery and thoughts; I just observed, effortlessly.
An aside: Low and rumbling vibrations were gently sweeping from top to bottom and then back up again during the entirety of this stage. Had I pushed further, I’m positive I would have slipped through into a projection without any assistance (as has happened in the past).
I was once again reminded of the depth of my state when my awareness was briefly directed to my body’s snoring. My physical body/mind was asleep and dreaming while I was observing all of it… No, this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this; it’s just been a long time during sessions. In fact, as I’m writing this, I’m recalling recent nights where I would begin to fall asleep while practicing stillness and being in “the now”; an hour would pass, and yet my awareness never participated in the dream that was occurring.
The closest analogy is finding yourself sitting in a movie theater: the ads for upcoming films and products are flashing across the screen, and the theater’s walls are rumbling with rhythmic snores. No, it’s not annoying, just… experiencing yourself sleeping but not sleeping. I honestly don’t know how else to describe it.
Nevertheless, just like clockwork, I got that unnamed feeling that I had to go (you just know). I made a quick exit and resurfaced into the physical and waking life.
It seems, appears to be, very possible that, most likely, this was a way to show me how to carry the drive without spending it.
Lucid Dream & Liminal at the Threshold
I wasn’t tired; my body literally took an hour-long nap, so forcing it back into dreamland was a little tricky. I figured threshold hunting wasn’t going to go well with this state, so I employed a breathing technique to facilitate sleep. Before long, I was roaming the halls of my agency’s office building in a brief lucid dream.
I inadvertently woke myself out of this lucid dream by cracking a joke with a former co-worker and another good friend (also someone I work with) while standing in front of a row of offices. I don’t recall the joke exactly, but the content dealt, roughly, with manhood size. I know, there’s a boy inside of every man, no matter how mature he is.
I laughed so much at my own joke that I was levitating. I didn’t intend to; it just happened. I’ve been thinking about that ever since I began writing this entry.
After a familiar tunnel traversal (now mostly light instead of dark void), I clicked back into my physical self on the office daybed and waited for a possible Liminal encounter. To my surprise, when the Liminal began to spin up, literally, out of a pool of soft light, the color this time was bright green again instead of the recent white.
The Liminal itself was a sort of mixture between a toucan, a parrot, and a fat cartoony dragon. It did a quick sideways wave with one of its wings, still held close to its side, and with a snap, my toucan/parrot/dragon Liminal shrank out of our briefly shared existence.
