I was too close to myself.
Field Notes of Rahgah - 20260822-P1
Descent and arrival is always so unnecessarily dramatic.
This afternoon I lay down for an hour-long session to Tom Campbell’s binaural beats, 64-64 carrier. The session itself was quiet and restoring, the same kind of lazy focus state floating and declaration to openness as the meditation from yesterday. No displays of phenomenon or message with this one, but what followed hasn’t happened in about a month.
After winding down from the trance, I made my statement of intent without much fanfare, which I believe is actually the right posture to take. In the past I wrote about setting a strong intention, and I had a lot of success with that. What I’ve noticed over the years is that when a fallow period occurs, no matter how strongly you set your intent, nothing will materialize out of it.
My next step in this whole consciousness exploration was to see if consciously applying pressure to it matters at all, fallow period or not. It doesn’t. The key is to know what you want and have absolutely no hesitation in the process. Shouting it into the ether doesn’t matter, and whispering it into your pillow doesn’t make it any less likely to occur.
Think about it: whether you “yell” in your mind or “speak” calmly changes nothing. Emotions arise out of the earlier example, and that might appear as strong intent setting initially, but in other situations, for example already experiencing an altered state, it is far more likely to collapse the entire experience.
So, I don’t drive emotion behind my intent anymore. It’ll happen or not. Ultimately it’s not up to me; it never is. At least that’s where I’m at right now with all of this.
I hit the pillow hard after this session; I was tired and ready to let it all go for an hour. I ended up in a loose-ish lucid dream, nothing to write home about. After I made my exit out of it, I was greeted with a Liminal display. This has been dodging me lately too, so it was a welcome occurrence.
The Liminal encounter was in the same position as always, bottom-right of my field of view. I can now magnify and “move in” on these to see them better. Two flowing and changing forms were playing together. They appeared like hooved, plant-eating mammals: think of deer, gazelle, or antelope. One would roll or duck while the other jumped over. It was playful, and they seemed to have zero notion that I, as the observer, was watching.
After that I turned over and went for the second altered state attempt, sort of. I was really okay with just sleeping. Initially I thought I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept turning and tossing. Then I realized I was basically rocking in place, back and forth from left to right and on my back (I fell asleep on my stomach and facing to the right).
“Just turn over,” I thought to myself. So I did. At this point I didn’t really care if I fell off the bed because that’s kind of the point when projecting. Sure enough, I went right over the edge of the daybed and onto the floor. My eyes were open now, and the office looked incredibly dim, much more so than it actually was in the physical state. I looked around, and as soon as I started to pick myself up, I caught the view of my physical body still in bed.
I was too close to myself (odd thing to write, I know) and got yanked back in. I was lucid nearly instantly and spent the rest of my time lazily waiting for Kim to come in for afternoon cuddles.
We’ll see how this all progresses. I have a working theory regarding this week’s gradual uptick in engagement with the non-physical activity.