Deep diving.
Field Notes of Rahgah - 20260913-S4
It is in you and it is all around you. Know yourself and you are known. Fail to, and you live as poverty itself.
I lay down for a half-hour session this afternoon thinking about a reorientation of my practice. It’s not a major pivot, I wouldn’t even call it a pivot. It’s a branch I’ve visited before that now has a name, a direction, and objectives assigned to it. What’s actually new is how it got there. I’ve started observing the natural states of tension in my overall being instead of just understanding that they are there, and if tension runs my chart to begin with, that’s where to look. The reason might be sitting right in front of me. It was.
The tension is simple. What matters right now is this waking life, the reason we’re here, the loved ones who depend on us daily, children and family. So why on earth am I so interested in the non-physical? If that’s where we’re all from, fine, we’re here doing this now, why reach back?
I never felt I was looking back, but it’s a fair question to sit with, and the answer that dislodged it came from something I’ve said before. I have very little interest in my past lives. They’re over, and I’m living this one now. But what is the thing that gets to make that determination? Consciousness. Fine. Then what am I?
I know more about who I am than I did six years ago, a lot more. I still can’t say with full confidence, “yes, this, I am that.” I think that’s the part that keeps nagging at people who’ve woken up once and assumed that was the whole event. Awakenings don’t happen once. They happen, if you’re lucky, over and over, as long as you never stop being curious.
Unlike with vanity, I’m not looking for the past life that defined me best; I honestly don’t care. I need to discover what this “I am” is that has piloted physical beings and lived lives. There are characteristics we arrive with, things that shape how we react before we react, deep and rooted aspects that crystallized somewhere. Where? Who? How? What?
It’s like looking in the mirror for the first time and seeing your physical form.
Which means I’ve been running the deepest part of my practice misaligned. I’ve habitually gone deeper and deeper with a mission to make contact with the Other. The direction should have been the same, with the mission pointed at whatever I am, higher self included. How am I going to make meaningful contact with the other when I don’t know the nature of what’s doing the contacting?
The evidence is right there in projection. I have no discernible energy double. I know something exists; otherwise I wouldn’t project at all, but what happens when I do is slide and glide with little control. I’m not saying I need a form. I’m saying not having one is a symptom of something. Either the formlessness is the accurate report and a body was only ever my traversal reflex’s idea of what I’d need, or nobody ever built one because nobody was ever asked, and you can’t build a form for a self you haven’t met.
The operating text is old. Know yourself and you will be known; fail to, and you live in poverty. The method is older still: to know a thing, go to its origin and bring back the name. I’ve been conducting that operation on everything except the operator.
The compass on the way down is the one I already use, the eternal now and the example of a consciousness that stayed fully awake inside matter, Christ consciousness. Going deeper into yourself is exactly where the self-aggrandizement risk lives, and it’s also where the shadows are whisked away.
To conduct shadow work is to reduce entropy within the self and clear the space for a widening aperture, and the byproduct is heightened contact with other as well as greater access to non-physical and non-local. Selfishly, that is how I viewed shadow work, like a chore I must do before I can do the fun stuff.
I’ve come to realize it’s not at all separate from the overall work; of course I always knew that, but it’s easy to get distracted by cool stuff like astral projection and other immersive altered states. The truth is all of that will be there, it’s not going anywhere, and access will continue to widen naturally provided we’re doing what the work calls on us to do: know yourself.
So, the session I had this afternoon. Campbell’s binaural beats, 128-64-32. I’m still under the weather, and anything that helps me drop further right now comes with a real chance of sudden sleep. That didn’t happen, which surprised me.
While settling into F10 (mind awake and body asleep), I got what I can only describe as a happy jolt of energy. Same thing I’ve reported on before: sudden onset, feels like it comes from behind the eyes, bright warm white, emerging from somewhere in the visual field. Today it was top left. I don’t know why, or whether the position means anything, and I don’t know why “happy” is the word for it. It just is.
These events tend to disrupt the settling in focus states, so I regained composure and expanded into F12. Expansion was easy today, and I got a second energy jolt there as well. It’s as if the states anticipate what you’re carrying in, whatever you didn’t lock away in the ECB (energy conversion box) on the way down, and respond to it.
Afterward I turned over and slept for an hour and a half straight, only to wake up when Kim came in to lie down with me for a bit. I needed the rest, but it is unusual. I normally have several starts and restarts after an afternoon session because I’m attempting immersive states and the body repeats the routine even when I don’t have the intent. There was a dream in there, a good one, and I didn’t write it down the way I usually would. I guess it wasn’t meant to be, and that’s alright.
Two happy jolts on the first afternoon I aimed the dive at myself. I’m not claiming they’re related, but I’m writing it down anyway.