Clawing Forward

I decided to give my weekly running regimen a shakeup. Usually I’ll do progressively longer runs throughout the week, finishing on Friday with my longest run. I’ve been doing this all spring and summer long, clocking in 30+ miles a week. After taking a short break from this routine and tending to a mild foot injury, I realized I wasn’t looking forward to these monster runs on Fridays anymore. New routine: 8-mile runs on Mondays and Wednesdays, 4 to 6 miles on Fridays with maximum effort, racing against my best average pace.

I clocked in a decent 5-mile run early this morning and went to an hour-long float therapy. This was my second session and I really needed it for my aching ankles and a slightly stiff right hip. I managed a solid meditation while floating in complete darkness with absolutely no sound. After lunch I laid down for a 40-minute Gateway Tapes session, NVC 2, and worked hard on keeping my awareness sharp during non-verbal communication practice.

After the fifth click-out during this Gateway session I decided to call it a day and get some rest. Apparently after a relatively relaxing morning I had to relax even harder. I put my headphones away, tossed my eye mask aside, and rolled over to my left side to start that often coveted afternoon nap. As usual, I continued to hang out in F10 since this is what happens now when I attempt an afternoon nap. I could tell I was tired and sleep was pulling me in. This state was breaking my focus, so I let it happen while repeating the intent “now I have a conscious out-of-body experience,” as I normally do during these attempts. Naps are always OBE attempts.

It didn’t take long for me to fade out of F10 and into a brief moment of stillness. I then remember becoming conscious again in my bed, still lying on my left side. The office looked absolutely normal, a little darker than I recall, but it’s been getting darker earlier in general as the seasons change. I remembered the “new technique” that has been gripping Reddit’s Astral Projection community. In short, the key to the “lift your head” method is: within 30 seconds of waking up, lift your head, but don’t lift your head. Got it?

I’ve tried this method before many times since I’m game to test out anything outside of straight-up dark magic and sacrifice. I’m not about that shortcut life because there’s always a price to pay in the end. Finding myself in the same situation as before, I thought:

Well, this time I can really let it rip and launch myself off the bed. What’s the worst that can happen? I’ll either sit up really fast or launch out of here.

Neither happened.

So I gave myself a hearty jerk up and forward, not just with my head but with my torso as well, as if I were doing a really fast sit-up. I quickly realized I wasn’t “awake.” I was already “out.” I became aware of a low vibrating hum all around me. It sounded like the TIE Avenger that Cassian stole in Andor Season 2: that low, mean, steady, predator-like growl as the engines power on and the starship warms up for flight. I absolutely loved it.

So I was having a conscious out-of-body experience again, except this time I was stuck to my physical body. I’ve read and heard about this but never thought I’d have to deal with it myself. I forced myself up and forward one more time. Again I felt massive resistance from my physical body. It was as if I were tethered by a tight bungee cord. I could push forward but was fighting a strong pull back down toward my body. I also realized I didn’t have much time left. I needed to move away from my physical body if I wanted any meaningful exploration without an abrupt end. That thought felt instinctual, not recalled from reading. Duly noted.

Since this was new for me I figured anything I tried would be a useful data point for future situations. I put all my effort and will into pushing up and forward. I’ve never tried to walk or push through an elastic barrier, but today that’s exactly what it felt like. I broke free with flashes of electricity and sparks following me. Now I was lying on my stomach, falling off the bed, with my lower half still stuck to my physical body. Essentially my energy body was folded in half: my physical head was peacefully lying on the pillow facing east, my energy body’s head was struggling facing west.

I wasn’t completely free yet. I began to move forward but it wasn’t happening the way I needed. I felt like a drunk toddler, or just a toddler, since they already look, sound, and act drunk. The pull toward my physical body was real and I was left clawing forward toward my office door. “I just need to create enough space between me and my physical body and this will get easier,” I kept thinking as I groggily and awkwardly struggled through the clawing.

After what must have been five to ten minutes I lost the battle with my tired and lazy physical body as I blacked out. I woke up in the same position as before. This time I had no problem lifting my upper body and sitting up, because now it was purely physical.