December 29, 2025

Morning

Meditation

• 45 Minutes.
• Dick Sutphen, Chakra Meditation + Astral Projection.
• My plan was to do just a chakra balancing meditation but I remembered that a good friend of mine stitched some of Sutphen’s work together and threw binaural beats behind it, making it about 45 minutes long. I had more time so went with this track.
• It had chakra “stuff” in it but not what I was looking for. I definitely forgot the contents since I last played it a while back.
• Nonetheless I changed nothing and just went with it because I was in such a still and relaxed form that picking up the phone (where it was playing from) felt like a chore.
• Instead of being upset or bothered that this wasn’t “exactly what I wanted” I just reframed that I must have needed this practice.
• In my deepest state during the last half of the session I worked on what had been suggested in the track earlier and some of my own stuff.
• One curious thing did happen at one point where I was cycling through different “methods” and “actions” folks take in hopes of separating from the body. I’d “will” myself to rise, mostly with my head, and would feel the sensation of lifting off before smacking into a wall or finding where my leash stopped, so to speak. It’s like “bouncing” inside your head. This isn’t new as I’ve encountered it before but today it felt like I had a lot more room to bounce up and down.
• My mental timer synced with the audio at the end as I brought myself out of the trance naturally a couple seconds before guided instructions bring you back.
• I’ve been paying attention to the “mental timer” as I believe we all have the most accurate clock built into our brains, or mind, or I don’t even know where this function comes from. What I do is look at the track or time and mentally repeat the duration before beginning my sessions. 90% of the time it seems that I bring myself out of trance or end the meditation either one minute before allotted time or on the off chance (the 10%) I’ll be one or two minutes over. Either way, this is extremely accurate.

Afternoon

Meditation

• 34 Minutes.
• Meditation: “Field Realignment”, my own protocol as modified release/recharge.
• Expand App, timer section, Focus 18.
• I intend to write a stand-alone feature for “Field Realignment” meditation but to get an idea of how to view it as similar yet distinct from “release/recharge”, the purpose of my meditation is: To reaffirm sovereignty of consciousness and release residual or foreign energetic imprints through coherence, awareness, and intent.
• I use Focus 18 for this meditation as I find F18 just generally like “home” when I access that frequency. You can do this meditation in any Gateway focus level, self-hypnosis, etc.
• The intent behind doing this today is that I am preparing for “lessons with the Golden Teacher” this week. Honestly you don’t really have to do anything but it doesn’t hurt to do some energy work, clear your field, etc.
• Felt good afterwards.
• I attempted to enter an altered state, of course I would, but I didn’t expect anything. Last time the same thing happened, after doing this meditation I just slept for a bit.
• Feeling agitated an hour or so after getting up. This is expected, or rather not uncommon.

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December 30, 2025

Morning

Meditation

• 55 Minutes.
• Expand App, timer section, Focus 15.
• Took a little while to settle down and release all the itches and get comfortable.
• Once I was situated I ended up in F10 before I knew it. Almost slipped into “mind asleep, body asleep” but managed to pull my awareness out into “mind awake” at the last second.
• This morning I dedicated my time to just get into F15 and concentrate specifically on smaller aspects of a bigger picture when it comes to manifesting.
• Once again it is easy to get lost in these and the trick is to constantly be on the edge of falling into the scenario but never fully in, otherwise sleep awaits.
• Sometimes I do let myself slip. It’s hard to maintain that edge, and that’s ok because over time the click-outs aren’t as long and you’re right back in it and fully lucid.
• This intense focus also leads to other things: projection, bilocation, etc. Usually I’ll experience bilocation. Projection has happened before but not today.
• Time well-spent in my opinion.
• No lucid dreams or projection afterwards.

Afternoon

Golden Teacher

• 1:15 PM
• 4.5 g Golden Teacher
• Consumed with milk chocolate and white chocolate, so much better than raw.
• First thing first: I’m 5’6” tall, 145-150 lbs, 12 to 13% body fat. I’m 38 going on 39 years old, metabolism pretty dang fast for my age.
• This isn’t my first time with psilocybin. I’ve done trips at 2 g and 3.6 g before doing 4.5 g today.
• Onset was at about 0.3 to 0.5 hours. Come up was around 0.3 hours. Peak definitely hit around 2 hours. Experiencing comedown now 4.5 hours after taking the dose.
• I feel like all of them have been identical. Maybe the intensity changes with dosage but overall I have had 0 visuals even on 4.5 g today. Heightened intuition? Absolutely. In fact my peak seems to revolve around that: several tracks of thought, like more than 10, all at once. It’s not super overwhelming but I do end up laying down and meditating.
• Usually my best moments come in the afterglow and then a couple weeks of heightened intuition. It’s already high to begin with though so every time it feels like the mushrooms stretch my aperture so to speak. Absolutely 0 visuals though. I wouldn’t say I came close to ego dissolution, maybe a little. I know what needs to be let go because it’s atrophied over the last few years and I guess that is a good lesson or signal: time to drop it, makes it easier this way.
• I don’t believe I have Aphantasia. I do believe that I’ve been living with undiagnosed ADHD my entire life and learned to manage it. Some of that management wasn’t healthy, like OCD behavior as a child and overconsumption of alcohol as an adult. I’ve since culled all of that. Yes I enjoy cannabis, no it does not disrupt my sleep at all and I’ve been using it consistently for a few years (my sleep quality is excellent).
• On the dose today, I feel calmer and more centered but I’m also a damn chatterbox if not alone. Psilocybin has always had that particular effect on me, which is a classic feature. I become extra social so to speak while in general I’d rate myself as a moderate introvert who is exhausted from being in an office environment. Ironically, interpersonal communication is my strong suit. Such is life I guess.
• The only visuals came during peak and in a meditative state. I do not count those as originating from the mushroom but rather enhancement of what I already have access to on my own. Perhaps we gain more access and are able to process more of the subtle space data this way. The most memorable visual was observing a sequence of images depicting elephants. Different parts of them, historical visuals, but mostly closeups of elephants. This felt very intimate, in a family kind of way. At one point, and what I remember the most, I saw an elephant’s face up close and it was happy, smiling, laughing. Part of me interpreted the laughter as friendly and welcoming, because it was, but the other part of me was nice enough to point out that the elephant is laughing because it knows that this performance is for the ego. I want to see these things, I want to learn, but I also must understand that these incredibly subjective experiences must be handled carefully and most of all to avoid over-attachment to any one thing. Of course it’s impossible to learn about yourself or others without entangling the ego. Ego is history, but the more we identify with that the less we are ourselves, less conscious and in control. The elephant knows, that’s why it’s laughing. Perhaps it was me who’s laughing, or is that over-attachment?
• The afterglow lasts quite a bit so by the time I laid down to sleep I was still in that zone. Just like with meditation, this time I too got some visual phenomena. On occasional nights I can experience a neat portal/wormhole or a scene briefly displaying in front of me. I can even engage with those visuals but in a limited way, kind of like manipulating an illustrated novel in your hands to zoom in and zoom out of different panels and details. In the afterglow the interaction is about the same but there’s just way more. Again I believe the mechanism/effect to be the same as during meditation: you’re not seeing anything new, you’re experiencing more of what you already have access to. All in all it was a very pleasant unfolding of portals, night sky with bright stars, and one image in particular that seemed very familiar but definitely more “expanded”. In short: it was a view of a vast landscape made up of rows of frequencies which were depicted as linear waves stretching from left to right and going into infinity toward the horizon. It definitely reminded me of the illustration I published on November 9th of 2025, titled “20251109”. The sense that I picked up from it was that all of these frequencies are accessible and all of them carry resonance of something intelligent be it humans, non-human intelligence, machine, etc.

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December 31, 2025

Morning

Meditation

• 55 minutes.
• Tom Campbell’s binaural beats, 256-128-64.
• The goal this morning was to go deep through 256-128-64 progression, by the end being extremely separated from physical body but still maintaining awareness.
• On my way to the depths I had a few foot twitches and hand movements. Getting back into the rhythm and the ideal state was extremely quick. The disruptions weren’t nearly as impactful as they can be.
• Overall I didn’t go beyond Focus 15.
• Experienced the strobing sensation from behind the eyes again a couple times. This time it was different: same duration but marked increase in intensity with a visible sphere in the center of my field of view. The color also was different from the usual: still bright white but with added warm white and gold, especially the sphere outline as well as inside of it. I wonder if this is a new normal based on my “aperture expansion” activity or residual effects from that.
• After I was finished I attempted to “call in” an altered state but ended up just sleeping for an hour.

Afternoon

Meditation

• 30 minutes.
• Expand App, timer section, Focus 18.
• This one was relaxing and that was the plan.
• The goal after 🍄‍🟫 trip is fairly simple: don’t do too much. Meditation and altered states can be draining. I’ve had sessions where I came out completely refreshed but I’ve also had plenty of sessions that take a lot of energy. What I’ve come to realize is that afterwards even if you attempt to do a meditation that is relatively moderate to intense the results won’t be great or you’ll fail to launch. I’d rather not throw the dice and let myself recoup and integrate without sudden surprises. Also, it appears that my subconscious won’t let it happen anyway. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t try to project or lucid dream. No dice!
• There’s a few things continuing to churn in the background that will emerge as written and illustrated work when the time is right.

Night

Dream

• Remembering dreams can be trained. If you spend a lot of time expanding your awareness in meditation and other altered states you’ll also begin to have phenomenal dream recall.
• First of all, it’s New Year’s Eve and I completely forgot about it. I got tired at my usual time 9 pm and was reminded of the Holiday by my Mother’s phone call.
• When I laid down for bed around 10:15 PM sparse fireworks were going off every 15 minutes or so. Nothing crazy like the 4th of July.
• The dream began in my office setting, which has appeared in previous dreams with the same reconfigured layout. There was an organized celebration happening, staggered group departures, and I attempted to catch the first bus. Along the way I encountered obstacles: a broken gate disguised to look functional, large vehicles creating moving barriers. Eventually I stopped, stood on the back of my heels, and relaxed. The dream ended.
• Clearly a very “Jungian” dream. I’ve analyzed it and feel very confident about my shadow integration post psilocybin trip.

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January 1, 2026

Morning

Meditation

• Happy New Year!
• 45 Minutes.
• William Buhlman, The Vortex method.
• Thought I’d change it up and follow one of my favorite tracks of Buhlman. Unlike the “Target” method this one doesn’t require a lot of energy. You’re primarily tasked with shedding the sensation of your physical body, letting go fully.
• Overall nothing major occurred and I had a nice meditation.
• Still no usual access to altered states. Seems like I’m shut out for the time being. Leading theory is I’m still processing and integrating from the 🍄‍🟫 trip. The subconscious understands this and is keeping the system occupied with that rather than letting my consciousness roam.

Afternoon

Meditation

• 30 Minutes.
• Expand App, timer section, Focus 21.
• For this meditation the idea was to spend a little more time in the basics, or all of my time there.
• I took my time getting into Focus 10.
• I took my time getting into Focus 12.
• I practiced getting back into the “zone” each time I was interrupted by an itch or a twitch.
• Noticed that my left foot had a decent twitch toward the end of my meditation. How do I know? I started to wrap up right after and when I made my full exit I checked the time. Exactly 30 minutes had passed. This internal timekeeping has been going on for a long time. I bet you do it all the time but never bother to notice.
• Try this: before turning in for the night take a couple deep breaths and then mentally, or out loud, say the exact time you wish to wake up. When you wake up, check the time and record it. You might not be right on the money but I’m willing to bet you’ll be somewhere within 10 to 5 minutes under or over your preferred wake up time. Do this enough and your track record will improve and become much more precise in short order. This isn’t magic, unless you want it to be.
• While we’re on the subject of something that everyone experiences, or has at some point, here’s another one: basic bilocation when attempting to sleep. Sometimes when I lay down for a nap I notice that I never lose consciousness but instead remain aware of my physical state while observing some image sequences (dreams). The only reason I’m spotting these situations is because I spend so much time expanding my awareness in different states but the reality of this bilocation awareness is as basic as anything else, like projecting unconsciously every night that we go to sleep.

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January 2, 2026

Morning

Meditation

• 50 minutes.
• Expand App, timer section, Focus 21.
• Once again I took my time going through the motions.
• Ended up tuning into F15 and just relaxing in that space with light manifestation practice.
• I want to say there was a reply to my usual invitation for contact in F12 as I was winding down the session but I was pretty tired by then.

Dream

• Another Jungian dream.
• Right after this meditation I went back to sleep. Still no altered states. I was tired so didn’t mind falling asleep for an hour or so.
• Same office setting as the previous dream. Staff were agitated because another agency was being moved into our building. I encountered a tall, blonde stranger with an incredibly familiar face who kicked me playfully in the hallway. The arriving group was unhappy about the merge, dressed in dated business casual, and many appeared neurodivergent. My coworkers looked uneasy but I reminded them to be welcoming since they’re our guests. The dream ended.

The Elephant

• I just figured out what the elephants mean.
• Ego.
• It is no coincidence that I now wear a tiny gold elephant on my necklace. It’s what I turned the massive ego into, a tiny gold elephant. It has all the history and knowledge of this physical life but it is only a small part of my current existence. It’s not to be destroyed but it is to be tamed and remembered. I must remember it to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand again and to remember my past and lineage.

Afternoon

Meditation

• 50 minutes.
• 8 year old YouTube video that’s 5 hours long and claims to be OMG THE BEST MOST POWERFUL 1000% YOU WILL PROJECT video by Theta Realms.
• I put this on because of a couple reasons: sometimes I find things and think, “wow that’s peculiar” or something along those lines and instead of filing it away under “wow that’s neat” category and never touching it again (like I used to do) I actually make an effort to do the thing, read the stuff, watch the tube, etc. By the way, if you haven’t tried this method, I highly recommend it, doesn’t matter the subject.
• So here’s the deal, I dove into this ridiculously titled YouTube video not giving a single care in the world if it would suck or not. I’m pleased to report: it does not, in fact, suck.
• While this session didn’t launch me out of my daybed and into the stratosphere, I did on a few occasions either find myself “emerging” and separating or already hovering over myself but then quickly getting sucked back in. I kept wondering why that was happening, and then it hit me.
• The binaural beats here will drag you into slumber if you haven’t had a lot of practice with sound tech, or you simply tell yourself like I did, “just let go and flow.” That’s my go-to for anything new that I try.
• Now, early on you’ll notice that there’s definitely a pattern layered on top of the actual binaural beats. Of course there is, just about all of them do this. The pattern in this one is designed to periodically wake you up, or nudge you just enough so you wake up. If you get startled easily the first few passes through this pattern you’ll gain consciousness a little abruptly but you will adjust. It’s not “BAM WAKE UP!” but even the slightest increases in volume or cadence will have that effect when you’re in a state that knows you’re listening to something that is actively taking you down and then out again.
• I’ll be listening to this one again a few more times but I don’t think I’ll be making it a habit. Why? It’s a shortcut. It won’t help you in the long run but if it is very successful for you right away or after a few passes, you can begin to entrain cues and commands for your subconscious using this track. This is pretty much what I look for most of the time.
• Here’s the track: https://youtu.be/hSHHaUr8414?si=XYBeQ8na2niDveXe

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January 3, 2026

Afternoon

Meditation

• 40 minutes.
• 8 year old YouTube video that’s 5 hours long and claims to be OMG THE BEST MOST POWERFUL 1000% YOU WILL PROJECT video by Theta Realms… again.
• About the same or similar experience but not as pronounced, or a little muted.
• I did turn the volume down more this time as I felt the previous level jolted my physical state a little too hard.
• The good so far: I get body checks super early listening to this, dropping into F10 very quick and staying there longer than usual.
• I’ve noticed it takes a little effort to pull myself out of F10 and expand into F12 while listening to this.
• Anyways, it was very relaxing.
• It was so relaxing that I think I fell asleep briefly and then not at all for another hour of kind of going in and out of losing consciousness.
• So, once again, no altered states today. I guess we can call the general “human trance” experience during meditative and hypnotic states as altered states as well.
• During one of those brief moments of going in and out of dreaming: very vivid first-person scene of going wee-wee in the toilet. So, I needed to pee. Also, Kim has been potty training Ivan all week and he’s been insisting on standing up to pee. Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe I’m clairvoyant too.

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January 4, 2026

Afternoon

Meditation

• 30 Minutes.
• Expand App, timer section, Focus 18.
• It’s the end of the week and the last entry in this weekly Field Notes.
• This week has been spiritually heavy but not at all in a struggling or negative sense. A lot has been done, a lot has been processed, a lot has been put into action.
• Earlier this morning I finished a piece that I wrote for this week’s Golden Teacher trip and the subsequent integration that followed. The content feels heavy in the sense of major reconfigurations that took place. I can’t help but feel like I said “goodbye” to a part of me.
• All week I’ve not been able to initiate a lucid dream nor a projection. In the past I would have called this “being blocked” from the experience but I do not view it as such now.
• If I knew it or not, this week was always going to be “intensive” and my energy is far better spent processing, integrating, reconfiguring in the background, etc. I accept the often perceived “lockout” as necessary. The subconscious has been very busy, very much “all hands on deck” type of a week.
• To finish up this week I spent a little bit of time in Focus 18, just relaxed and healing, doing nothing in particular and not pushing it so to speak.
• Toward the end of my time in F18 there was a brief little vision that transitioned from a familiar “heart” cave to a cemetery. It wasn’t weird, it wasn’t frightening, it was just somber. I stood there looking at a particular tombstone, nothing special about it other than that’s where the sequence began. Next to me was the ever glowing-gold boy. At first he appeared like the boy I’ve seen from last year (and long before that) but would shift into the adult version that I’ve been building up this whole time. He is me, my subconscious, a major aspect, etc. Whatever description you’re comfortable with. The grave? A cliche final “goodbye” to aspects that I shed this week, the parts of the ego that have been discarded. I am grateful for where it all carried me and what the function of it all was.
• It was time to move on and so we did.

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