20260119

Afternoon

Meditation

• 30 Minutes.
• Tom Campbell’s binaural beats, 256-128-64 track.
• Suddenly feeling very lost with no direction to turn to.
• The meditation sessions that I’m used to and expecting (there it is) just aren’t happening anymore. The usual method and transition into altered states just aren’t operating like I’ve grown used to… Hmm.

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20260121

Afternoon

Meditation

• 30 Minutes.
• Dick Sutphen, self-hypnosis, chakra balancing.
• Mid-week chakra balancing session. I’m beginning to move away from this specific track and just doing it on my own, this is how I mostly did chakra balancing before. I guess at some point I wanted to listen to it again for a refresher or chase that one specific experience I had that one time… I think that’s more like it.
• Continuing “rediscovering” my non-physical/etheric modalities, apparently this is a process that is unavoidable this time. I say “this time” because in the past I could basically stubbornly work through big droughts like this but this time? I have zero desire to do that because that’s not the way, and I know it.
• The irony of this existence is spending time and effort asking “who am I?” to arrive at a destination, see who you are, and then begin asking the question “who am I?” all over again.

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20260122

Afternoon

Meditation

• 20 Minutes.
• Expand App, timer section, Focus 12.
• Prep normal as can be.
• Once again spent a little while longer than normal in F10. It was nice.
• Expanded into F12, actually did a few rounds of expanding. I was feeling it, came as a reflex.
• It’s been a quiet day of introspection. I formulated a question after circling the root of my recent internal stubbornness. Ironically a major part of it all is this hyper-analyzation. It blinds you.
• I put together a question and sent it to all parts of my consciousness and in all ways.
• While I hung out here for a bit I wandered here and there between flashes of hypnagogia and vivid scenes. Eventually I said my thanks and contracted back to F10.
• I think I’ll get my answer later.
• On the way out I curiously spotted a Liminal. It was round, a sphere or an orb. It was mostly translucent like it’s been recently with what seemed like red liquid moving inside of it. It was dim. Typical duration and always in motion, shrinking out of existence once it was done.

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20260123

Afternoon

Meditation

• 25 Minutes.
• Expand App, timer section, Focus 15.
• Still a bit in my head, analytical thinking loops are a bit aggressive this week.
• Turned to Focus 15 to ask what question(s) I should be asking, what direction to move to, what do I need to know right now.
• I’ve been focusing on symptoms rather than the root cause. It’s a frustrating and paradoxical situation where you understand what the issue is intellectually but also, ironically, that is exactly the condition that is generating the rut.
• Creatively, and recently, I’ve had a burst of inspiration and ideas as I search for a new workflow and style. I’m not even focusing on the style as much, just letting it unfold on its own. While this has definitely been occupying my mind away from other facets of my overall consciousness exploration practice, it’s not the cause of the recent “rut”.
• Sometimes these things are cyclical (honestly they always are), other times it’s mostly you getting in the way of yourself. While I’ve worked diligently to prevent myself from overanalyzing, because I’m so good at it, it still happens from time to time.
• Now I’m in search of a North Star. In search of reasons and meaning, what is it that I am accomplishing or setting out to accomplish when approaching meditation and, most importantly, altered states.
• You read and hear about it frequently: if you go into this space without a reason, a mission, a goal, strong intent… you will be blocked, you will not proceed further than needed. I’m talking about individual sessions, not “the practice” as a whole.
• I’m still searching but now I have a reason.
• After this session I took a nap, no intent for altered states at all. I even chuckled to myself while thinking, “Now I am out of body.” Of course, every night we go to sleep we’re “out of body”, what am I even saying?
• Curiously, the nap was a little interesting. I noticed that today it was far easier to just drift and wind down. First time in a couple of months. I then began to notice that every time I was about to slip into dreamland and lose consciousness I would feel the sensation of falling and lightly startle myself awake. Every time. The nap was fine, I got rest, but I never hit REM. I stayed in this quasi-dream state, not quite in and not quite out. It was basically bilocation without the location part. On one hand, this was an honest and good nap I haven’t had in a couple of months. On the other hand I may have stumbled into something that I should look into regarding my practice. Lastly, this is not an issue at night but my mission at night hasn’t changed, it’s always been: get to sleep quickly and maintain high-quality sleep for the entire duration. Afternoon naps haven’t been that way, that time is for magic.

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20260124

Afternoon

Meditation

• 30 Minutes. Tom Campbell’s binaural beats, 256-128-64.
• Intent: Move into Focus 12 and ask for 3 “most important messages that I need to hear right now.”
• Normal prep, felt more stable and relaxed than usual.
• Spent time in F10. Noticing I don’t need the mental gymnastics to relax the body anymore, just the notion of doing the technique sends me down further rather than actually doing it. Monitoring this.
• Expanded into F12, did “multiple” expansion moves on my own and without thought. New, tracking it.
• Made declaration of sovereignty, asked “what is the most important message for me right now” three times with stillness between.
• Got some scenes but nothing that grabbed attention. When a visual is meant to be understood, you understand it immediately. These weren’t it. Need to resharpen this skill.
• Experienced glitches throughout, comforting, feels like brushing against something or connection attempts. Byproduct of being open for contact and transmission.
• Familiar white strobe from behind the eyes, a couple of times.
• New glitch: flash of burnt-orange and red lights moving left to right, 2 to 3 seconds, like a bloody lightning strike. Never perceived these colors in meditative states before.
• Felt good but tired at the end, going in and out of almost falling asleep. Normal meditation ending I haven’t felt in a month.

Lucid Dream to Projection

• Filing as projection: set intent for lucid dream, got that and much more.
• Set intent, turned to my left, mentally said “Now I am out of body.” Chuckled because we’re “out of body” every time we sleep.
• Let myself slide into that familiar intoxicating feeling before losing consciousness. Deep mental-physical “sinking” into the void of nothing. Took nearly a month to recognize how much I appreciate that feeling.
• Unconsciously operating in a dream for a while, suddenly came to consciousness. In my office, lighting very accurate, bright but not “ultra-HD-hyper-real.” Fidelity generally 1:1 with waking life.
• Had small doubt if this was waking state or simulation, did my usual test: hopped into the air with intent to hover. Whipping and zipping around in circles, going fast. Felt like a dog finally accessing the forbidden room.
• Lost control, autopilot kept me spinning in wide circles. Let go, leaned back with head up and arms dangling. Surrendered. Got the urge to open my eyes.
• Opening my eyes was surprisingly easy. Wasn’t sure if physical eyes would open.
• Eyes open, don’t believe physical eyes were open. Looking in the direction I fell asleep in. Head on pillow, shelves ahead, blanket over right shoulder. Simultaneously still experiencing floating in circles in my office. Bilocation again. Started a month ago, stopped, now back.
• Longest I’ve had it continue. Closed my eyes, exit into waking state began automatically.
• Most gentle exit ever. Spiraled downward softly, settled into my physical body. Same view as bilocation experience greeted me.
• Wasn’t physical eyes open, etheric eyes.
• Lucid dream then projected although never got up.
• What made me suddenly need to open my eyes to experience bilocation? Important message I needed right now? I believe so, more on that this Thursday.

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20260125

Afternoon

Meditation

• 40 Minutes.
• Tom Campbell’s binaural beats, 256-128-64.
• Another session in letting myself sit in F10 and F12 as long as needed, letting things unfold, seeing how and where natural awareness rests before it moves forward.
• Nothing major happened to report on. I meditated on some things I meant to earlier this week and that’s about it.
• Other than that I said my intent after the meditation for a lucid dream and rolled over. I did not have an altered experience but did nap for a bit. Must have needed it.

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