When I sign Valentine’s Day cards for Kim, I make sure she knows I’ve still got that yearbook-level romance game. Hey Kim! Love you lots!

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20260209

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20260210

Afternoon

Meditation

• 40 Minutes.
• Expand App, “Healing Miracles” by Allyn Evans.
• Red light LED panel for 30 minutes with meditation.
• Two sick kids, under the weather myself, felt like I needed to focus on healing today more than anything else.
• All in all this was a very easy-going meditation. It’s guided, perfect for times when you need assistance because you’re too dang tired. The whole session felt very nice and light. I also highly recommend getting a red light LED panel if you don’t have one already. It pairs very well with meditation sessions and I’ve found it to be a valuable tool for recovery on days when the morning runs are tough or there was an accident during lifting. Honestly, using it regularly is better than sporadically, but I tend to bust it out at regular intervals in Spring/Summer as that’s when I commit to 12 to 15+ mile runs at least once a week.

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20260211

Morning

Meditation

• 60 Minutes.
• Tom Campbell’s binaural beats, 128-64-32.
• Rainy morning, and while I’m technically good to run and lift, I decided to take another day of recovery. The weather is suspect and I don’t want to end up with a secondary infection or have a setback that puts me out longer. Back on schedule tomorrow and Friday to close out the week.
• With that in mind I got up at 4 AM, got ready as normal, but instead of sweating for a couple hours I laid down in the office to meditate.
• My original intention was to visit Focus 18 and inquire about the “333” business once again. It’s an early morning meditation, I go very deep in these, so it’s a perfect time to explore this topic.
• The meditation in general was good, but my “lazy river” approach this time proved to be inadequate because, well, I spaced out all over the place and never made it to F18. A big part of this is likely because I’m still recovering from illness. This should always be considered, and clearly I wasn’t well enough yet to dive deep into the subject.
• Ended up not having a proper exit as the track stopped on its own. My internal clock was messed up. I made intent for “40 minutes” and clearly overshot that by 20 minutes or longer had it not been for the audio ending. During this session I likely fell into the hypnagogic trap over and over again. It happens.
• Overall it was a good meditation through which, while I stayed aware, I just simply didn’t have enough “juice” to keep my focus and execute intent.

Dream

• After the meditation I turned over and took an early morning nap. I had 30 minutes left, so why not get more rest.
• I did half-hearted intent for projection, but I’m coming to realize that I can spot the success of altered state initiation right from the moment I make the intent. I could want it more than anything, but if there’s little effort/emotion then it’s likely just not going to happen, and if it does it won’t be anything to write home about. This morning was like that. I was just not in it (still recovering).
• I did have a “Jungian-like” dream, however.
• The setting was once again the “agency office.” I’m calling it that now because in these dreams it’s not the office of the agency I work for. It’s similar, some things blend, but in general 80% of me knows it’s totally different. It’s a structure, a very well put together one for that matter, so I understand why the scaffolding remains. After all, I spent a lot of years in the physical building. I know it very well.
• A little over half the dream was your typical dream-like meandering, awareness going in and out, etc.
• I became lucid in this dream, still a dream and not a lucid dream, right as I was entering a big classroom-style section of the building. There were rows of long tables from front to back. You could walk around them on the perimeter and down the middle. The reason I became lucid was because I saw an old coworker who hasn’t been working for this agency in a few years. I was surprised and happy to see them.
• After spotting them I stopped and went back to enter the room. I went right to them, didn’t notice anyone else. We had a quick chat and it was completely normal. We hugged. I was just happy to see them and they matched my enthusiasm. We didn’t talk about anything in particular. I was a little surprised they were “working” because it was my understanding they are either retired or very close to retirement.
• Our conversation was cut short by other staff mentioning that something was starting and that if anyone was here and didn’t know why they were here, they needed to leave. That was me. I had to go. There was a specific person, a female, standing behind me. She was in control of the room. I didn’t get a good glance at her, but the moment I noticed/felt her I knew I had to go. I said my goodbyes and left.
• Soon as I made the exit at the very back of the room and into a hallway, I noticed a friend and colleague of mine carrying all my stuff I had just forgotten at the table where my old friend was sitting. I thanked him profusely. These were important things I left behind, and I knew it as soon as I walked out.
• We made our way down another hallway. Apparently the rest of us who weren’t supposed to be in that other room needed to go to some other conference room. It all sounded very boring. Needless to say, I wasn’t looking forward to it.
• On the way there we joked around with another colleague of ours, big boisterous laughs. In fact, this person surprised me. They’re usually very timid and quiet.
• My friend, who remembered to get my stuff, walked into a coffee shop that was on the way to the conference room. He was ordering a tea. I couldn’t hear what it was, but I wanted one too. As he was paying I asked him what it was. He told me, but I still couldn’t understand. I couldn’t get anyone to help me behind the counter. After all that I decided that the water I had with me was good enough. Don’t need to work this hard for something I don’t even know that I’d like or want again.
• The dream ended soon after.

Afternoon

Meditation

• 30 Minutes.
• Expand app, “Global Healing”.
• Yesterday I laid down for a meditation to aid my recovery. I noticed “Global Healing” by Paul Citarella kept coming up in the Expand app. I wasn’t looking for that, but somehow ended up saving it unintentionally. Today I was planning on doing mid-week chakra balancing before I saw “Join the Global Meditation for Peace Today Feb 11” post on Reddit (r/gatewaytapes). Instantly remembered “Global Healing” from Expand app. Huh, well it feels like someone/thing really wants me to do this meditation, so that’s what I did.
• The meditation is very nice and relaxing. In fact, it’s so nice and relaxing that when I started I thought, “Oh no, this is too relaxing for my condition.” Nevertheless, I did fine.
• There were a couple brief “spacey” moments, but overall I have to say it was, once again, very nice and felt like a whole hour-long session.
• Somewhere between the beginning and middle there was an odd “glitch”: for two seconds I saw someone, a young man I believe, sprinting from right to left of my field of view. I only saw the person, nothing else, as if they were running in the void itself. They were wearing military fatigues with camo pattern that was either light-desert or snow. It was too fast to determine if the pattern was woodland or digital. They were not wearing any headgear nor had a weapon. The energy behind the sprint was urgency, high stress. Perhaps a response to an emergency of some sort, a drill, etc. They weren’t running for fun, that’s for sure.
• This was odd because it felt like a juxtaposition. Meditation for global healing, peace, love, and here comes a flash of an army grunt responding to something.
• In past sessions, seeing split second or very short scenes like this has always meant that non-verbal communication (NVC) was occurring. I don’t know who sent this one. Quite frankly, I don’t really know who sends most NVC that I get. Quite possibly I caught a stray broadcast from somewhere or someone. It wasn’t meant to be, but maybe I just stumbled into it like changing radio stations. Maybe someone was sending NVC to someone else and I intercepted it. Maybe it was meant for me for some reason. No clue.

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20260212

Afternoon

Meditation

• 20 Minutes.
• One of Dick Sutphen’s chakra balancing tracks.
• As per usual mid-week balancing schedule.
• It was pretty neat to see some flashes of chakra colors and the bright beam of light, nothing like that one experience I had, but every once in a while I get a small glimpse of it.
• Quick one today, very busy with multiple projects at work.

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20260213

Afternoon

Meditation

• 25 Minutes.
• Expand App, timer section, Focus 15.
• Another busy day, a little bit unusual for Fridays.
• Since I didn’t have a lot of time but still wanted to “defrag” a bit before a couple meetings that were coming up, I decided to jump into F15 and just be in the void for a bit.
• Usually I have no problem being in the void and not thinking at all, but today, because it’s been busy, it was hard to turn off the mind.
• I resorted to repeating a short gestalt version of a particular manifestation that I typically like to spend a lot of time on in more manifestation-specific sessions. Like a mantra, this worked very well to push everything out and let me be a single point in the infinite darkness.
• Yes, I could have used literally anything such as “ohm” or “I am,” but for whatever reason the direction I went with felt right for this particular time in space.

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20260214

Afternoon

Meditation

• 40 Minutes.
• Tom Campbell’s binaural beats, 128-64-32.
• In the last two mornings I’ve gotten back to lifting and running. On Friday morning I ran 8 miles grinning like a kid on Christmas Morning, achieved my comfortable 9/mi average pace with no problem. So, physically I’m back to being myself.
• Today I began my “333” mission again.
• I got through prep without issue and moved into my usual passive progress through the focus levels.
• Entering F10 was quick. I still let myself settle a bit, and sure enough got a jolt from the back of my eyes nudging me to continue moving. I think this phenomenon is a marker signaling that settling in a focus level is complete as what happens after that is either focus work in the state or moving on.
• Once expanded in F12 and letting it settle by consciously focusing on expansion, I got the same kind of jolt from the back of my eyes.
• I climbed up to F15 and felt stillness. It’s always so nice. I always lose a bit of time here because of it, but my assumption is that I need it.
• Reached for F18 and began establishing my “callout” by stating, “I am here, I am listening. Three, three, three.” I watched the number “3” surface through the darkness, a bit fuzzy at first but then clearer. In fact, so much so that it surprised me and made a memorable impression. I did, in fact, see this number appear three times.
• A little bit into this experience I felt my throat. It was very dry and I was on the verge of coughing. I used to fight this, but I’ve learned to just let it happen and get back into the ideal state. As I cleared my throat I was reminded of the time the same thing happened during a chakra balancing session where I watched an iridescent beam literally “activate” my chakras with corresponding color vortex and swirls.
• After my throat was good to go again, I realized that my body was still in “mind awake, body asleep” mode. This time when I made it back to F18 I, somehow, performed the “drop” into the heart. It’s very hard to explain, but I’ll give it my best shot. Essentially you can track your awareness in levels fairly well after a while, and states take on a sort of “feeling” if you will. In F10 my body is heavy and then it vanishes. In F12 I literally feel like billions of points lift off my form and expand. At first there’s a rush of it and then gradual expansion that I can only describe as “like stretching your limbs.” In F15 any sensation of expanded awareness gets quiet and replaced with the sensation of absolute stillness. Time does not exist here. It feels very familiar. When approaching F18 I begin to focus on my heart center. When the threshold is reached (again, this is difficult to explain), it’s as if my awareness “drops” from my third eye to the heart chakra/center. That’s where the awareness now feels “anchored” and operating out of.
• Being back in F18 felt great. I’ve mentioned before that I feel the most “at home” here. I began my “outreach” once again, but a little bit different this time. “Three, three, three. If you call, I will answer.” I rested with this for a while. After a bit of fighting drifting off here and there, I naturally moved on to simply chanting “333” as a method of focus and maintaining working awareness.
• A couple years ago I had some early contact experiences with human-looking entities, greys, and mantids (well, one mantid). They would appear in F10 and F12 as grayscale faces, intently staring at me without communicating. The first was a human face. It felt familiar, but I still don’t know who or what that was. The second experience was of an old grey. At the time this was confusing to me as I was under the impression that they are some sort of biological robot, so why would they age? Nevertheless, he felt like a wise male presence, and he appeared aged with wrinkles and a gaze that pierced your being. The third time felt accidental. I got into F12 while at work (lunch break) and was immediately presented with a mantid face. It appeared to freak out and nope out after a few seconds. I got a feeling it was young. Again, that’s odd. Usually you hear from other experiencers that mantids are an older entity.
• Anyways, as I chanted “333” during the meditation and in F18 state, I began to perceive something moving in the darkness. It was going in and out of view. I could only make out different parts of a face here and there. What sticks out the most is a small and thin chin, and an eye. From this it could be either a grey or mantid.
• My internal clock hinted that it was time to exit, and so I did.

Lucid Dream → Liminal

• Before a full exit I stated my intent on having an altered state experience, and as always I did this in present tense.
• I took the headphones off, kept the mask on, and rolled over to my left. It didn’t take long to fall asleep, and this time I wasn’t able to track the forward progression of state change.
• I became lucid while contemplating the experience I had just had during my meditation while standing near the window of my office. Like a light switch, in the middle of thought, I looked to my right and then to my left. “Oh, simulation again.” I then turned around and ran at one of the office walls. As I dove forward I was enveloped in darkness and began traveling through a wormhole again. Usually this process is very dark. I’ve seen it before with full vision, though, so I know what it is as I feel my being whip from here to there and then eventually settle down gently… somewhere. Usually that “somewhere” is the physical waking life, but recently I’ve discovered this to be a good time to open eyes and sit up. A couple weeks ago I discovered this almost by accident, but it’s been a while and I totally forgot. Note to self: include, “exiting the lucid dream I open my etheric eyes, sit up, and move away from my physical body.” If I include specific instructions, always in present tense, they happen with full awareness before, during, and after state transitions.
• While I didn’t project, unless you count a fun trip through a wormhole as projection (I do), I was delighted by a brief encounter with a Liminal.
• The Liminal that was coming through was both crisp, which is new, and hard to see, unfortunately also new. It appeared in the same location of field of view, bottom right. The start of the “demonstration” was a soft swirl of light-grey vapor. Then I saw what appeared as parts of letters and/or numbers sliding in and out of view while being obscured by shadows that were the same color as the usual black void backdrop. I could only make out a capital “R” and maybe the number “3”. It could have just been the number in different sizes and perspectives, but for some reason “R” still remains in my memory. Then, through void-colored shadows I saw a tiny mantid peering up at me. Small thin chin, huge black eyes, triangular shape of the head, thin neck, body in forward position as if leaning in to look at me but still from below of my perspective, if that makes any sense. The feeling I got from this encounter, with how it moved, was that it was doing its best to maintain staying hidden from me as if playing “peek-a-boo.” The experience came to an end with the same vapor swirl as it started, only this time in reverse. The letters and mantid were both white in color, reminiscent of my original encounters.

Lucid Dream #2

• Surprisingly, only 15 minutes have passed and I still had an hour left.
• I stated my intent for an altered state experience again, rolled over to my right, and promptly began moving towards losing consciousness again.
• This time I found myself becoming lucid while standing in the garage, another popular location for my subconscious to stage these events.
• Immediately upon being conscious I ran right at the wall and entrance to the garage and dove through it.
• This time during the transition between the lucid dream and waking, I did produce commands to open my etheric eyes, but to no avail. I came back to waking physical state.
• Another 15 minutes had passed, still half an hour left, so I rolled over to my left and went for another attempt.
• Kim woke me up right before 4 PM. Her folks were on their way over and almost at our house.
• I had enough juice for one more altered state experience and transition attempt to etheric body, but it just wasn’t in the cards today.
• Overall this was one hell of a session that has added plenty of new data for my “333” mission. Good times!

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20260215

Afternoon

Meditation

• 40 Minutes.
• Tom Campbell’s binaural beats, 128-64-32.
• Prep and initial settling down took a little longer than usual. Had some itches to take care of. Sometimes they’re like rogue agitators who know the exact time to show up for maximum disruption. I’ll initially respond to them, but sooner or later I’ll resort to a method I learned when I was a kid and had a hard time falling asleep because of them: Focus deep on the itch, feel it, let it complain, really hold that sensation and part of body in your awareness until eventually it starts to turn from an itch to a cold sensation, and then nothing. This method works every time. Only price is that it can take a little while to unfold.
• Nothing much to report on today. It was a nice session to finish out the week.
• I believe I’ve also “cracked” the code for why my Sundays are so chill regarding altered states. It’s the day that I compile the notes and sketches from the week and put together “Field Notes” for publication. I never really thought about it, but the act of doing this is reinforcing that today is about analysis, reflection, and planning. This isn’t a good mindset for “let go and flow” kind of work, and on top of that the activity is about this kind of work. It’s a natural rhythm born out of discipline. I’m not going to mess with it and just stick with manifesting meditations for Sundays as I’ve naturally underscored it as my day of integration.

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