Field Notes 20260312 - Thursday
What is real and present right now?
Afternoon
- Sun: Pisces 22°
- Moon: Capricorn 9° | Waning Crescent
- Mercury Retrograde: 20260226-20260320
Meditation
- 30 Minutes.
- Expand App, timer section, F18.
Today’s primary theme is a somber mood and feeling the weight of this oddly heavy week. I’m not falling apart emotionally, but I’m also not exactly quite like myself. Tomorrow Kim and I will be doing something that not a single dog owner looks forward to but knows the inevitability will surely come one day — we’re taking our old sweet girl to cross the rainbow bridge.
While in this melancholy mood I simply couldn’t get excited about any meaningful exploration. Even the inward direction wasn’t appealing because I’ve been sitting with these feelings and thoughts since the weekend. Nevertheless, the wholeness of the event shouldn’t be avoided; after all, the practice is in large part ideal for clarity and solace during such situations.
I laid down for 30 minutes with the goal to drift into F18 and passively “knock on the sky,” so to speak. After settling in and navigating to this session’s resting spot of F18, I cast out, “What is real and present right now? What am I still receiving, even now?”
I distinctly remember the familiar “lazy river” of my intent and questions carrying me downstream as I would fade in and out of hypnagogia. Somewhere in this emotionally scattered sauntering I snapped out of it to, “Contact. There’s always contact.”
I know how I’m taking that, and it’ll probably be another couple of weeks before any meaningful contact resumes. It’s nice to know that someone, something — maybe even an aspect of myself — checked in on my condition and offered an answer during the meditation itself rather than some other time, as is typically the case.
We are never alone.